E if for Ever. What's it all been for ...
I have been thinking a lot about relationship and specifically about my talk with you, I say my talk, since it really was me talking and you listening. I have always wanted to write a book, which would probably be a little longer than this letter ; that has always been my ambition and you do know how much I like the written word. I think I have decided to be in love, well it is nice at my age, but don’t worry it wont disrupt our special `friendship` relationship or whatever you might want to call it, it will be a secret between you and I. I daren’t tell anyone I am in love otherwise they will think at my age I am mad, if you tell friends you are in love, your friends will tell you to run, at least those who are jealous because they don’t have a boyfriend of their own – hang on, that doesn’t sound quite right, boy ! - and at this age `running` away with all the physical problems we have would be somewhat of a difficulty in itself. And if you tell them you think you are in love yourself, they will tell you that you are mad as well ! So there is a problem, or maybe jealous friends !

We both have people we `love` ; me ? I suppose I would say my son and for you, you would distinctly say your son, but both have their own lives and while both will certainly mourn us when we are gone and may occasionally visit us when we are alive, probably neither will keep us safe, happy and amused in our old age.

We both have sisters, both now single, but to think that mine would ever be anything other than my sister, nice as that may be, would be me living in dreamland. And you, well for a whole lifetime she has been jealous of her big sister, that simply wont change in your older years. So we are both stuck with wanting to have companionship, wanting not to be alone, wanting to have someone beside us we can rely on, all our current friends have that, they haven’t suffered the trauma of a broken marriage after a lengthy run ! Yes we have both had very lengthy runs at that event, which tends to be unique, lengthwise, and I suspect will certainly be character forming. And those who are still single have either their close friend they would be reluctant to share, or are sufficiently steeped in their `singleness` that they really don’t want to share themselves with anyone unless it is to their benefit ! And most certainly they would not want to share anyone special in their lives wsith either of us. An interesting picture, so what have we got ?

I have told you, but only between you and I, that I am going to be in love, probably with you - don't quite know what that means but for the moment it is nice thought, so there is no point in you deciding to vacate this lovely Isle, or of course you might and I would then simply be in love with a name and that's no good forold age ; you will lose the only thing you certainly love, the `pick up and drop convenient companionship`, maybe you will be lucky enough to receive an occasional visit, but more maybe if you don't emigrate, if you do go, your final years will be just as dull as you seem to think they are now here. Me ? Well, I could go and live that long way away, wherever that may be, but will I enjoy staying miles from the place I know and the people I know ? Will I stay single and simply accept a `pick up and drop convenient companionship` ? If I stay, can I sustain regular trips to the Pub with the `lads`, will I want to go to the Pub with the lads when I can only go with my zimmer-frame, OK, an extreme I would like to believe would never happen, but even if I stay single do young lads want `old codgers` around them ; hopefully you get my point, so, we are old and we need an `elderly` companion !

Now to you and I, I shall not say much here since it might look like a proposal and that, if it ever comes, might take a while, so it isn’t ; we both like each other, that I think we can safely agree on. You have lost your heart - I don't mean to anyone, just lost it, temporarily I believe and I have lost mine, to you – you must agree that’s at least a little romantic. What I think we both might agree is that, what will make you mad about me is a modicum of untidiness, you might be more emphatic on that front however ; so what would drive me crazy about you, well, BBC24 hours for one, a big TV, you have to sit 100 yards away to see it sensibly and your eternal wish to be `sweet sixteen` whatever your age, admirable, but .... its inside what is important to your `best friend`, or to anyone, not how you package it !

Over the years we have been on this Earth, the world has changed ; do you remember the days when the `environment` was simply either indoors or outdoors ? And the moment the Cold War finished we started to have Global Warming ! And all this silly talk about icebergs melting, if they had melted years ago the Titanic might still be sailing, or may even be an exotic Hotel in Dubai ! We both don’t believe all this so called `environmental` claptrap, saving cardboard in this bin, glass in that bin, tins in another bin, what a `load of rubbish`. You see, we do have something in common, there are things we can agree on. Wouldn’t it be nice to go back to those `good old days` when you actually had trust in your hospital - which we might need sooner than later, not your hospital in a Trust, to the days when they had Super Staff, not Super Bugs. I certainly remember my childhood, and it was during the War - don't ask which War, and by and large it was happy, you probably remember yours … and from what I have learnt about you, you would probably want to forget it. I believe you have that chance, don’t throw it away because you think it might be safer, fate deals some very funny cards as we all know and whether either of us want to accept them or not, we are a couple of superstitious old codgers and sometimes it can be fun ; am buying a black cat next week !

I really am now getting into the swing of this – my draft for my book this can be : Alphabet of Life ? What is it all about ? We have been there and done it, got the T-shirt they now say ; what we want to make certain is that we don’t throw all those T-shirts away, and that we don’t try and start again, trying to search for that `pot of Gold` at the end of the proverbial Irish rainbow. It is hell getting old, you know it, I know it ; and if you are old without a sympathetic face around, it must be purgatory. Just remember, you can still touch your toes and know where they are, me ? I only know where they are because they hurt with arthritic pain. You said that you need a masseur, well until my fingers give up you could have one for free, your only trouble, or maybe mine, is that your hurt is so deep I am never quite certain if it might be easier to massage your back from your front, and if I was just a little bit younger that might be a delight in itself – so much in common !

“ I don’t love you “, what absolute rubbish, I keep telling you that you have been here for so long you still cannot understand the language ! I wont tell anyone about your English, mainly because they love your accent and can excuse almost everything, it can be our other secret.

If I go before you, you mustn’t do what a friend of a friend of mine did. Not wishing to live alone after her `partner` died, she decided to take her own life ; to make certain where her heart was she rang the local hospital who told her it was just under her left breast, so, taking her `partners` shot gun, she pointed it and pulled the trigger … a few hours later she was admitted to A&E with a blown off knee cap ! Now don’t you ever be like that, and I know you wont - you must do things properly. As for me, I’ll take up jogging with … you ? In that way at least I will continue to hear `heavy breathing`, and if my memory holds up I might even remember what heavy breathing was all about ! And when your Yoga teacher asks if you are going to book for the next session, asking you how flexible you are, you should not reply with I cannot do Wednesdays, if so I will know that you too have lost it. I am now going to start to eat toffee, at least it will give my face muscles a good work out !

So what am I trying to say, I don’t know but it was fun writing and may just have a few little truths there somewhere. So, who `loves yer baby` ?